Archive for the ‘communication’ Category

Good communication warnings

December 10, 2009

We always need to be aware of the other person or persons that we are talking to. Are we doing all the talking? Good dialogue is : one talks the other listens. Then the other talks and one listens. This is extremely important when we are “witnessing”. We must learn how to listen if we are going to be affective.
Also, in small group settings, we must learn to listen. We must give each person opportunity to speak. Nothing is worse then being in a group setting and two or three do all the talking, when there may be ten in the group.

I came across these “8 signs you might be boring someone.”
God bless you.

A recent Psychology Today article by Gretchen Rubin provides a list of clues that you might be boring someone during a conversation. I’ve certainly been trapped in conversations with people who didn’t understand how to pick up on subtle clues that their long narrative about a weird dream they had or a particularly awesome golf game they played were boring the heck out of me — and just the same, I’m sure I’ve been oblivious to those signs in others, as well. Have you been on the giving or receiving end of any of these signs?

1. Repeated, perfunctory responses.
A person who repeats, “Oh really? Wow. Oh really? Interesting.” isn’t particularly engaged.

2. Simple questions. People who are bored ask simple questions.
“When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.

3. Interruption. Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. Similarly…

4. Request for clarification. A person who is sincerely interested in what you’re saying will ask you to elaborate or to explain. “What does that term mean?” “When exactly did that happen?” “Then what did he say?” are the kinds of questions that show that someone is trying closely to follow what you’re saying.

5. Imbalance of talking time. I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they usually do eighty percent of the talking because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true, a discussion involves a huge download of information desired by the listener; that’s a very satisfying kind of conversation. In general, though, people who are interested in a subject have things to say themselves; they want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they’re probably keeping quiet in the hopes that the conversation will end faster. Or maybe you just aren’t letting them get a word in — recently I was talking to someone who, though fascinating, didn’t want to let me contribute to the conversation. I enjoyed it, but not as much as if I’d been able to talk, too.

6. Abrupt changes in topic. If you’re talking to someone about, say, the life of Winston Churchill (I have a tendency to dwell at length on this particular subject), and all of a sudden the other person says, “So how are your kids?”, it’s a sign that he or she isn’t very interested or perhaps not listening at all. When someone makes this kind of switch, I have to fight the urge not to drag the topic back to what I want to talk about – but the fact that someone has introduced a completely different subject is a sure sign that the subject is not engaging.

7. Body position. People with a good connection generally turn to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation. Along the same lines, if you’re a speaker trying to figure out if an audience is interested in what you’re saying:

8. Audience posture. Back in 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote a paper called “The Measurement of Fidget.” He determined that people slouch and lean when bored, so a speaker can measure the boredom of an audience by seeing how far from vertically upright they are. Also, attentive people fidget less; bored people fidget more. An audience that’s sitting still and upright is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.

Instant in and out of season

May 15, 2009

“Immediately I heard the Spirit say, “put that down!”

I had just finished meeting with some brothers at our regular gathering on Tuesday’s at a local mall. I was tired as usual and boarded the local train to head home. I had just finished talking to my wife on the phone regarding some personal things, and decided to text my son regarding tomorrow.

As I switched trains, I sat down and pulled out my phone. But first, I noticed a man sitting across from me. I stopped and put my phone down and said, “How was your day?” He pointed to his ear and shook his head. Well, then I knew that he was deaf.

I was impressed to hand him a tract, which I did. He smiled and handed it back and put up his thumb. I smiled back and put up my thumb also. So I went back to my phone and started texting. Immediately I heard the Spirit say, “put that down!”. I paused as to wait to see what was next.

Then I remembered that I had a tablet in my pocket and also had a pen with me. I use these quite often in ministry to write down people’s names and numbers and other stuff.

So I wrote to him and said, “so you know Jesus?” I handed him the tablet and he wrote on it, “yes, I found Christ while I was in college”.
We spent the next 30 minutes writing back and forth. We shared what was going on in our lives. Some personal stuff about each other etc. He wrote on one occasion, “my name is Stephen, what’s yours?”

Now I had done some of this with some deaf people before, but never quite like this. This was all God working through each of us as we shared. He was so blessed, I believe to have something like this take place. Who knows if he had ever had this type of conversation with a complete stranger. He smiled quite often, and so did I. This was heavenly to say the least.

Once again, “It’s all about people”. People that God places in our life for reason and purpose. There is no happen chance with God, no way!

Now I could of easily turned a deaf ear to The Spirit. It would have not been the first time, that’s for sure. I was reminded again how important it was to remain in the Spirit even though I was tired and wanted to take care of some family business.

Just think. If I would have not listened and kept texting, all this wonderful experience of partaking in what God is doing through people would have not taken place. I would have missed out on being a blessing to another person, and also receiving a blessing through someone else.

I hope to see him again riding the bus or the train someday soon.

Once again, I would like to encourage others to ride public transportation. If your not, your missing out big time. Some of the most awesome times I have seen God move, have been on a bus or local train. Use it, you will be blessed. And of course, be listening and watching around you as you go. And say “hello” to the person next to you, you might be surprised at the outcome.
God bless you!

The Truth stands all by itself

February 20, 2009

Many times those who oppose Christ will come up to me and speak what they think is the truth.

I have found that it is best to listen to them for a few minutes, then ask them if you can speak. This is usually necessary because they want to carry on for long lengths of time before you can say anything.

This is also important on our end. When presenting the Gospel to another person, stop from time to time to give them an opportunity to speak. You will have much better success if they can participate in the discussion. A one sided conversation goes nowhere. This is true in all forms of communication.

When someone comes along of another faith such as Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu etc., present truth to them as much as possible. The truth being, Christ and the Word. The fact of the matter is that His word never returns void. And quite frankly, it doesn’t need any help. It can stand all by itself. We can rest in that.

Usually after 10 or 15 minutes you can since if the discussion is going somewhere or not. He is able to give us discernment. If it turns into a back and forth debate where it is no more than cutting each other off before you can each explain yourself, then it’s done. You are wasting your time. It is particularly bad if others are watching and all they hear is one trying to out do the other. Chances are that someone won’t come running up to you and yell out, “I want what you got”.

If I since that the discussion is going nowhere after some time, I will say something like this, “I have to go, but can I leave you with this?” (Usually they will stop and listen when I say this). I will continue and say, “Jesus Christ said this himself”, (make sure that you look them in the eyes as you tell them this) “if you believe not that I am He, you will die in your sins.” And then I will say, “there you have it, pretty simple isn’t it?”

Smile and say, “gotta go, have a nice day”

Remember, His words do not return void as you go off praying for that individual. He or she is in God’s hands and He is pursuing them with His love.

God bless you as you go out!

Be aware of your surroundings

January 24, 2009

Many times God is always reminding me to keep alert of those around me.

Our lives are not our own to do and go as we please. We need to always be asking Him to keep us aware of our surroundings. To help us keep our eyes and ears open. He has plan and purpose for us in all we do.

Today while out on the streets, I took a short break in the action and went to the local Safeway to grab something to eat. As I left the check-out counter, I headed to the area where you can sit and eat. I found a chair, but is was off away from most of the people. I looked around to check again and see if I could find one closer to people. So I sat down to eat. Within minutes, a young guy sat down a chair over from where I was. I said, “how is your day going?” He replied, “fine, I’m on a short break for school”.
I asked him what school, and he said that it was one that I was familiar with. I asked him if it was a Christian college (already knowing that it was). He said yes, then I asked him if he was. He said yes he was.

As time went on, we both opened up to each other and shared what God was doing in our lives. He was able to encourage me, and I was able to do the same.
Now I could have easily sat down and ate my lunch and kept to myself, but is this what God wants from each one of us? To always keep to ourselves? To keep in our own little world? Many times I have seen that all it takes is just mentioning a few words to a person and God takes it from there. How awesome is He if we will just use what He has given us for Him. Basically our mouth’s.

As I have said on many occasions, “He is all about people”. “People are the apex of His creation”. “He loves people so much, that He sent His Son in the form of a human being. He could have sent Him in another form. Something or someone beyond imagination or description”.
We must remember, God has saved us for reason and purpose. He wants to flow through us to reach others. Someday, you will be blown away by all the people that through Him you had an effect on.
To God be the glory, great things He has done!

“Silence is golden”

November 10, 2007

Today it dawned on me as I was talking to this brother on the phone. I would talk for a bit, then there would be dead silence for a moment, then he would talk for awhile.

How awesome is it when in our conversation, we take time to also listen. Without it, the conversation is “one sided”. If we where truly honest with ourselves, we would all say that we don’t like it when every time I talk to that person, they do all the talking. Everyone has something to say, we just need to listen long enough for them to say it.

So I just want to encourage you that the next time you visit with a person, whether on the phone or in person, if there is a moment of silence after you have said something, hold off from saying anything. It’s OK! Give them time to speak! If fifteen seconds pass and they don’t say anything, then you can talk. But try to refrain. It takes discipline, especially if your a yak-er.

Sometimes, I think it is because too much caffeine is involved. Anyways, remember that “silence is golden” especially when it’s for The Kingdom of God.